Oh, how it's been so long. I'm so sorry I've been gone! I was busy writing blogs for...YOU! (Not really. I was moving and watching TV and playing Cityville.)
To get back in the blogging spirit, I've decided to come hard out of the gate with a man blog. This man, in fact, is the reason I sought out a place to blog. He needs to be discussed, and not in a way that I want to make public on Facebook. You know.
I'm already missing this show. Bad. Like a drug addict. If you are planning on watching this show for the first time, you should know there are going to be spoilers here.
Someone in this picture, other than the zombie, is already dead.
So, even though "Rick" (Andrew Lincoln) is a good man and a fantastic zombie killing machine, he is not the character that makes me feel all warm inside. It's "Shane" (Jon Bernthal) in all his psycho, shirtless, I'm-losing-my-humanity glory.
Check out them crazy eyes.
Yep. Since I don't know Mr. Bernthal personally, having (unfortunately) never given birth to any of his genetically outstanding offspring, I'm going to refer to him as Shane for the remainder of our time together. Shane, I like. The fact that he looks like Jon Bernthal is merely gravy.
That guy is pretty hot, too.
Shane is Rick's police partner and lifelong friend. Rick is shot in the line of duty. He is still in a coma when the world officially goes to Hell. Shane is unable to save Rick from the hospital. (We're not going to assess blame, here) He succeeds in saving Rick's wife, Lori and their son, Carl. Shane takes them from Atlanta to a refugee camp outside the city. (There are so MANY lovely camping spots just west of Peachtree.) Shane, assuming that an unconscious Rick will never survive, tells Lori that Rick is dead. Shane is SHADY!
Wait...I totally forgive you.
Shane and Lori. Um. They kind of have relations. (Not immediately upon learning of her husband's death, contrary to how it appears on this blog.) Probably to repopulate the earth. Right?
The happy family, minus Rick, plus Shane learns to survive together in perfect harmony. Until a group returning to camp from a supply run in the city brings back a very live Rick.
This is when Shane starts to get really interesting.
Hey, bro...so glad that you're alive. And here, of all places. Frickin' super.
Shane knows his end of the world nookie has just been wrenched from his grasp. His steely, rock-hard grasp. But, while Shane is madder than a deep fried cat*, there isn't much he can do about it. He puts on a happy face for his best friend and his happy little freaking family. Shane takes out his aggression in other, healthy ways. He beats up Ed, a wife-beater who really needed it. Then he attacks Jim, who was only digging graves.
I mean really, Shane...you probably can use GRAVES, man.
Shane continues to steam at about 210 degrees. Impotent to change the situation and not a damned place to go to get away from them. He and Rick have a power struggle going on. Shane was totally the man before Rick had the audacity to survive a city full of zombies. Alone. Now everyone wants to follow Rick for some reason, when Shane was plenty good enough 24 hours ago.
I'd like to mention here, in Shane's defense, that there were no zombie attacks on the camp until Rick was the leader of the operation.
Anyway, to begin wrapping up this (unintentionally) lengthy plot summary of Season One, Shane is not in a good frame of mind. He's losing hope. And he's pretty angry.
Maybe a little drunk, too.
The Season ends when the group finally makes it to the CDC only to learn that it is as abandoned as the rest of everything else. The one scientist remaining takes them in, feeds and boozes them (party at the CDC, anyone?), and then offers mass suicide as a way to "opt out." The group rebels against the forced suicide and breaks out just in time to watch the explosion from (really close by on) the sidewalk outside.
You MUST be warm with all those buttons buttoned.
What now?
Fort Benning.
In Season 2, we find the love triangle still triangular. Shane's temper is more unstable than a fat man on a unicycle. Lori is in constant danger of lodging herself firmly in Rick's hindquarters if he stops short. Poor Carl doesn't know which one of these crazy adults he can trust.
Lots and lots of stuff happens. Shane threatens to leave the group and go off on his own, presumably to make Lori beg him to stay. Shane's needy like that. When Carl (yeah, the kid) gets shot, the group rallies at the nearby farm of Hershel and his family. Hershel is a doctor who can save Carl, but needs some medical supplies to do so. Shane decides to go to a local school where there was a FEMA shelter to retrieve said supplies and Otis (the hunter who shot Carl) offers to take him there.
Of course, the school is overrun with zombies. Real starved zombies.
Stop treating me like a piece of MEAT!
Seeing that they can't both survive, Shane shoots Otis in the knee to make a big ol' chunk of zombie bait. It works! He escapes with the supplies while the zombies feast on fresh Otis. Shane tells the group back at the farm that Otis was just overcome by zombies and told Shane to just "Go on. Save the cheerleader. Save the world." Shane is a LIAR! He's on the kind of downward spiral that Trent Reznor only has wet dreams about. Feeling pretty crappy, Shane takes a shower at the farmhouse. While checking himself for bites and muscles,
Oh, there they are!
he discovers that Otis pulled a fairly sizeable hank of hair out of his head during their struggle. Just when I think I couldn't possibly love this character ANYMORE, he goes and does this:
Insert Really Filthy Expletive Here
That second picture was purely gratuitous.
I love a shaved head. Especially one with that much crazy rattling around in it.
Shane gets more and more wound out of his mind. He finds himself on the fringe of the group, feeling unwanted and lonely. He relieves the pain temporarily with Andrea, another refugee in the group. (Uttering the sexiest command ever to be given, "Well, come on, then")
Can we talk about those pants? OMG.
He gets into it with just about every member of the group. He looks a little deadlier everyday. He is the catalyst for the big mid-season-finale blowout between the refugees and the farmhands. And he is sexy every minute. Screaming, flipping out, sweating, coming out of his shirt...
Have you ever seen a finer redneck?
It seems I have described a pretty reprehensible human being, here. Let me tell you why Shane is my survivor-man choice.
- He is badass. This man will protect you from the zombies. Period. This is not the man screaming in a locked bathroom. He is out getting bloody and nasty so you don't have to.
- He is just as dirty as you are. He's desperate and has that same lonely ache that you do. He will overlook your stringy hair, dirty feet and raggedy underwear. No perfection needed.
- He keeps things moving. You need a wild card, he's got ya.
- Uh, did you see those pictures up there?
*No animals were harmed in the writing of this blog. Seriously, I don't actually know how pissed a deep fried cat would be. Probably a lot, I'm guessing.
